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Friday, June 10, 2011

Update 14, June 1

Week 1 at Laurel Hill:   Stu's spending more time in his wheelchair now, and eating at all three meals, although his appetite is still so small that they still supplement with tube feedings.  I'm doing what I can to provide some good stuff to eat (you know me:-)  He has, so far, lost a good 50 pounds.  He's looking pretty good!  His color is better, and he's much more alert and present.  Thank Goodness!   He has had several visitors, and that is a huge blessing-----this is a great opportunity for all of us to remind Stu who he is, and that even though these circumstances are not what any of us would choose, there is a choice that he can make, each day, to practice gratitude and choose peace over anxiety.  If you go to see him, don't be shy about voicing that encouragement.  I had the privilege of hearing our good friend Bryan speak about that with Stu yesterday, and today his FNP, Roger Fogg, also spoke very clearly about it.  He's in room 9 (the one with giant photos of Stu and me as kids, and a battalion of greeting cards).   Lunch is at 11:30, Dinner at 5:30-6:00------better not to visit during meals, he needs to concentrate.  I try to be there for either lunch or dinner, but it varies from day to day. 

                    Someone asked me this weekend how I was doing.  I answered in one word:  "Weepy" 
Every time I had to say goodbye to Stu at the nursing home last week, I felt.....weepy.   Every time I thought of him living there full time it seemed so final and long term.  It made me weepy.  Several times people have called recently, unaware of the stroke, and asked if he could re-cover a bible.  I would choke out an answer and get off the phone just in time to be....weepy.  I am not a mournful person by nature, so when I feel consistently weepy, I know something is up.  I think the term for this is GRIEF.  And you know what?  It's important!  One of my all-time favorite books is by C.S Lewis, "A Grief Observed".  I have long been a student of the process, and now I am camped out in its living room!  You know, I have to say, most of us do everything we can to avoid this place, but as I sit here, I think it has a lot to teach me.  There's a tendency to rush the process----but I have a sense that if I let it take its course, I'll find my way to the front door in God's good time, and all the richer for the experience.  So if you run into me, and I happen to be.....weepy.....take a minute and shed a tear with me.  It's good for what ails you.  And I have a feeling our time will end with laughter----I often find myself laughing in the middle of my tears.  Also good for what ails you:-)   Looking forward to whichever way it goes........

Great love and hope,


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