I just re-read my last post, and even then the signs were pretty strong that there was "trouble in paradise."
Over the weekend, I had to come to terms with the fact that I am not capable of taking care of Stu properly here at the Cottage. His needs are just too great for a home setting. Wow, what a blow------although it's a great relief to no longer feel that I should carry the load, it's also very very sad to watch the dream hit the wall and shatter. But then, if it was not meant to be, it's not something to hang on to. I would rather face reality than hang onto a pipedream.
All of my trusted advisors (and there are quite a few key people) are in support of my decision. Even Stu, as unhappy as he was to be taken back to a place that was never his favorite, understood that it was too gruelling, and even in some ways unsafe. It was also difficult for him------one unexpected difficulty was how hard it was for him to adjust to having me as one of his caregivers. I was prepared to tough it out and deal with the sleep deprivation and learning new skills, but had not fully appreciated what a difficult paradigm shift it was for him. Hard enough to be handled by professionals, much harder to be cared for in that way by your wife.
So this morning (my 57th birthday, by the way----Stu turned 69 on Sunday) I sadly re-admitted Stu to Laurel Hill. We are investigating adult foster care homes in the area-----that may be a do-able alternative to our original plan.
There is a lot to write about in this situation, but it's late and I'm tired. I look forward to taking some time to process with you all here on the blog. So many people have wished me a happy birthday today------and you know, really, it was. Yes, there were tears, but there is also comfort in recognizing a bigger reality than you had counted on. And I get to sleep tonight! That's my idea of celebrating!
Until next time-----who knows which way this story will develop next?